very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
