i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My bed smells like the plague
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
