So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
