But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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