Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
