Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
