Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
