the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
