I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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