I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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