if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I touched a dick in church today
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
