i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
