I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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