the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
