whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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