Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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