Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i out mim tonsoeep
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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