Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
