You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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