apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
