You made me cry and you don't even care
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
