so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
