Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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