he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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