bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
