my phone needs a breathalizer
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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