I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
