im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
