Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
