My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
