I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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