my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Boobs are out for the taking
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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