I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
