Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
