Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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