the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
