if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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