I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We're too hungover to prance.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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