just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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