I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
