i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
