Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
