When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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