saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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