I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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