it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think your dad took our porno
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
