Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
