i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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