The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
