My first STD was from a foam party
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
